clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
This is my gift to your gina
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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