I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I AM VODKA MAN
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
