You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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