it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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