Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
