I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
