Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
