We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
