Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
