The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
