6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
