its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
