If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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