it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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