anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
