You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
