You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You left your phone here
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