There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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