I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
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All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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