I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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