Your tits are I can't wait for
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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