you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
