My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
