I just saw a hot homeless man
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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