i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
