My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Found your dick twin last night
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
