Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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