your thong is hanging out like whoa
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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