My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
