I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
