I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
