I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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