we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize