He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
