We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
