I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
