Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
