I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
