My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
