I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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