he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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