Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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