Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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