Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
