I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I can't put those talents on a resume
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
