Swine flu. Run for my life!
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
