Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
