i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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