That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
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I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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