you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
