mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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