Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
