Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize