guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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