I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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