I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
