I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
