When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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