After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
