how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
