my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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