oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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