sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
