Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
