Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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