it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
