ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
it's great music for shaving your balls
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
