White coat. Heels.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
