She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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