I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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