69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
